Man stands on top of his car on interstate, holding sign with apology on it

Daniel and his signs atop his car.

Daniel and his signs atop his car.

On Thursday night, a man named Daniel in Nashville, Tennessee came up with an idea. He headed over to his local Walmart and purchased a Sharpie and poster board. He then wrote on that poster board, “Lindsey Im [sic] sorry I LIED Please FORGIVE ME” As WKRN-TV Nashville reports, it was part of the young man’s plans to atone for his mistakes. The rest of his plan consisted of giving Lindsey $50, and taking her to a revival of “Psycho.”

He also had another sign which read, “Im [sic] also sorry for not using an apostrophe.” Daniel explained the apostrophe cost an extra 40 cents and he was trying to show financial responsibility to Lindsey.

Lindsey, for her part, said the gesture was “too little, too late. He should have thought of that before he told me he was prince of Persia.”

Daniel then pulled another sign out which read, “Im sorry that I borrowed your lady’s razor to shave my armpits.”

“I didn’t even know about that,” said Lindsey.

Yet another sign read, “Im sorry for all these signs. Its just that I didnt have any other way of expressing my sorrow for my actions and deeds. These deeds were done without the proper amount of thought and should never have occurred. I can only express my extreme sorrow and hope that I can be forgiven. And again Im sorry for the lack of apostrophes but 40 cents is 40 cents and lets be real, those little things add up.”

Daniel was eventually pulled down off his car by police and brought in for questioning. They later released him after taking away his posterboard and sharpies.

White House mistakenly reveals CIA official’s name

An attempt to clean up the CIA in the wake of the name disclosure.

An attempt to clean up the CIA in the wake of the name disclosure.

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Obama administration accidentally revealed the name of the CIA’s top official in Afghanistan in an email to thousands of journalists during the president’s surprise weekend trip to Bagram Air Field.

 The officer’s name, Myron Fibbleschmit Doosendoifer Calloway — identified as “chief of station” in Kabul — was included by U.S. embassy staff on a list of 15 senior American officials who met with President Obama during the Saturday visit. The list was sent to a Washington Post reporter who was representing the news media, who then sent it out to the White House “press pool” list, which contains as many as 6,000 recipients.
Work ground to s a standstill as 6,000 writers rolled on the floor with laughter at hearing the CIA man’s name. When asked his reaction to his name being released, Fibbleschmit Doosendoifer Calloway said, “It’s a serious inconvenience. Since my name was revealed the Afghans have been ordering pizzas in my name and have put burning bags of dog crap on my front stoop. Which I stamped out. And got dog crap all over my shoe.”
Fibbleschmit Doosendoifer Calloway will likely be replaced in his post as his cover was the only thing protecting him from abject humiliation and bullying.

The Associated Press is withholding the officer’s name at the request of the Obama administration, who said its publication could put his life and those of his family members in danger. A Google search appears to reveal the name of the officer’s wife and other personal details.

White House officials realized the error after the Post reporter notified them, and sent out a new list without the station chief’s name. Other major news organizations, including the Post, also agreed not to publish the officer’s name. We at TTLA had no such reservations. “How can you not release a name like that?” asked several reporters who also had no qualms about passing on the mistake.

New Mexico: 500 barrels of questionable nuke waste packed with kitty litter

 

Unfortunate kitty is trapped with tons of nuclear waste and litter.

Unfortunate kitty is trapped with tons of nuclear waste and litter.

ALBUQUERQUE, N.M. (AP) — More than 500 barrels of waste from Los Alamos National Laboratory were packed with the kitty litter linked to a radiation release at the government’s underground nuclear waste dump, prompting the state Tuesday to order federal officials to move quickly to seal off the potentially dangerous containers. “It wasn’t even good kitty litter, it was that light kind that people throw around to each other. How’s that going to stop contamination?” asked Bart Dunlippy of the Nuclear Regulatory Commission.

Environment Secretary Ryan Flynn Tuesday gave the U.S. Department of Energy and the contractor that runs the Waste Isolation Pilot Plant in southeastern New Mexico until Friday to detail plans for permanently sealing the rooms where more than 300 barrels of the potentially dangerous containers of waste are stored in ancient salt beds a half-mile underground. This provides a real hardship for the ancient salt people who sleep in those ancient salt beds.

In addition to 368 containers at the dump, environment officials say 57 more are still at Los Alamos and more than 100 are in storage in West Texas. “The ones in West Texas are bigger,” said Tulula Bonafacio a resident of West Texas. “Everything’s bigger in Texas,” she said.

On Monday, the department ordered Los Alamos to detail by Wednesday its plans for securing the waste that is still above ground on its campus and at Waste Control Specialists in Andrews, Texas. Los Alamos immediately replied that they would switch to clumping litter in the future. “We want it to be both safe and easy to keep cleaned out,” said spokesperson Lyle Lugudie.

N.Y. school board president resigns after calling parent ‘chubby wubby’

NEW YORK (Reuters) – A school board president in a small upstate New York town has resigned after a video of him calling a parent “chubby wubby” at a meeting surfaced online, school officials said on Wednesday.

The Mahopac School District disclosed the resignation of former Board of Education President Raymond Cote in a statement on its website on Wednesday. Cote has withdrawn his candidacy from upcoming school board elections later this month, it added.

This is the chubby wubby Cote was talking about. Clearly he wasn't off the mark.

This is the chubby wubby Cote was talking about. Clearly he wasn’t off the mark.

“I would like to apologize for my choice of words after the close of the Board meeting on April 8, 2014, which are regretful,” Cote said in a statement on Tuesday. “My words were inappropriate and do not reflect my feelings or attitudes. I meant to say either ‘Fatty Watty” or ‘Big Ass Beula.'”

The video shows Cote saying into a live microphone, “This one here, chubby wubby, she gets fatter and fatter at every meeting. She really does.” Cote said of his comment, “I really downplayed just how fat this bitch really is and for that I am sorry.”

Earlier this year, Cote was involved in a diversity and sensitivity initiative launched in response to a racial controversy following a tense Mahopac High School playoff basketball game. In all fairness he skipped the sensitivity section.

Mahopac sits about 50 miles north of New York City, home of rudeness and comments about fat people.

Cote is an attorney who graduated from the Pace University School of Law and is a special education parent and advocate, according to the school district’s website. He was publicly elected to serve as the board president in May 2011 for a three-year term. The electoral body was actually full of chubby wubbies.

Bolivia mayor apologizes for grabbing woman on TV

Bolivian mayor is way off in attempting to grab reporter's boob.

Bolivian mayor is way off in attempting to grab reporter’s boob.

LA PAZ, Bolivia (AP) — The mayor of Bolivia’s largest city has had to make a televised apology after grabbing the thigh of a woman during a broadcast event.

Santa Cruz Mayor Percy Fernandez appeared on television Monday night to express “anguish for this mess that’s been created.” He said he had not intended to offend journalist Mercedes Guzman, “nor have I done so.” He did not specifically apologize for touching her. “I apologize for not grabbing her boob, which is what I intended to do.”

Television images show Guzman holding a microphone in one hand and struggling to lift the mayor’s hand from her thigh with the other during a public appearance last week. “I was disgusted by his fat, greasy sausage fingers all over my silky thigh,” said Guzman.

“She loved it,” countered Fernandez.

Several legislators, journalists’ organizations and women’s rights activists denounced the 75-year-old mayor and Guzman’s husband Marco Antonio Espindola threatened to bring a legal complaint if the mayor did not apologize.

“Even the schoolmates of my son in primary school heard about this event and my adolescent son had to put up with uncomfortable questions at his school,” Espindola said. “It shamed my family.” Questions such as “Why is your mommy such a whore,” were tossed and the young Espindola boy.

While Guzman’s family has not presented a criminal complaint, opposition legislator Marcela Revollo Fernandez on Monday filed a complaint in the nation’s capital, La Paz, accusing the mayor of sexual harassment, sexual violence and discrimination,” charges that potentially would lead to as many as four years in prison. “For grabbing a chippie?” Fernandez asked. “That’s ridiculous. I didn’t even get boob like I wanted.”

Fernandez has been mayor of the city of more than 1 million several times and has lately supported President Evo Morales, who in February called him the country’s best mayor. “Nobody grabs women like Fernandez does,” said Morales.

Monica Lewinsky opens up on affair with Clinton

 

Monica Lewinsky poses for photographers as she talks about her affair with President Clinton.

Monica Lewinsky poses for photographers as she talks about her affair with President Clinton.

WASHINGTON (AP) — Monica Lewinsky says there’s no question her boss — Bill Clinton — “took advantage” of her when he was president. “He used my toothpaste and never put the top back on,” she ranted. “He scratched my records and put spinach dip all over my porn.”

But she says their affair was consensual and if there was any abuse involved, it came afterward, when Clinton’s inner circle tried to discredit her and the president’s opponents used her as a political pawn. “I wanted to be a political rook,” she explained.

The former White House intern, now 40, writes about her life in the next issue of Vanity Fair magazine, out this month. In released excerpts, she says she’s perhaps the first Internet era scapegoat and wants to speak out on behalf of other victims of online humiliation. “All those high school girls who get called ‘gross’ on the internet…my heart goes out to you,” she said.

Her willingness to step forward may come at an inopportune time as former first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton considers running for president. Republicans have signaled they don’t consider her husband’s scandal from the late 1990s out of bounds in the realm of 2016-style political dialogue. “Hillary should have tossed in the towel when Bill and I were hot and heavy. She knows she’s his second choice, just because she ended up with him and I got left out in the cold like an abandoned dog,” Lewinsky told reporters.

Kentucky Sen. Rand Paul, a likely GOP presidential contender, answered criticisms of the Republican record on women’s issues by saying in January that the last Democratic president engaged in “predatory behavior” with a woman, Lewinsky, who was 22 when her liaisons with Clinton began in 1995. Clinton’s lies about the relationship contributed to his impeachment by the House in 1998; the Senate acquitted him, saying Lewinsky was not hot enough to constitute a threat to the nation.

Lewinsky writes that she deeply regrets the affair and made a point of staying silent through several presidential campaigns to avoid becoming a distraction. Now, she writes, it’s time to stop “tiptoeing around my past — and other people’s futures. I am determined to have a different ending to my story. I’ve decided, finally, to stick my head above the parapet.” Republican snipers couldn’t be happier.

California university students protest party name

 

Serious drinking faces serious protest. Drinking should win out in the end.

Serious drinking faces serious protest. Drinking should win out in the end.

DAVIS, Calif. (AP) — Students at the University of California, Davis, have cancelled plans for a drinking party dubbed Cinco de Drinko, after protesters called it racially insensitive. Faculty expressed disappointment with the protesters saying, “Students just don’t recognize the sanctity of a good drinking party anymore. They look for any reason to protest.”

Organizers of the party said that they meant no disrespect to the Mexicans recognizing, “that they are some mighty drinkers themselves, and would no doubt approve of our activities.”

The Sacramento Bee reported that about 100 students enacted a sit-in at the Coffee House, wearing red shirts and chanting slogans such as “One, two, three, four, no Mexicans passed out on the floor.”  They called for a boycott of the student-run cafe and cafeteria, successfully scuttling plans for the off-campus party.

“If they had organized in support of the party, a good time could have been had by all,” said professor Ned Donnegan, looking very disappointed. That the faculty seemed more put off than the students seemed lost on the protesters, but not on the party organizers. “Our faculty recognize a good thing when they see it. Racism had nothing to do with it. It was to be about alcohol in excess. Nothing more, nothing less.”

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