Cannibalistic Headhunting Pug Found
In the wilds of Africa a pug from a warlike tribe known as the Puguwango has been spotted, showing off two of his conquests. As can be seen in the picture, the dog has shrunken the heads of two members of a rival tribe and turned them into adorable slippers. Whatever didn’t go into the slippers went into the stew pot.
Missionaries who have tried to make contact with the Puguwango have thus far found their efforts thwarted by their tendency to end up as a meal for the vicious pugs.
Anthropologist Maria Hemphammer told TTLA that “It is in everyone’s best interest just to leave the Puguwango alone. We shouldn’t attempt to interfere with their centuries-old culture. Besides they’ll eat you.”
General Howard “Blood” Wolaczeski offered another point of view, saying, “I think we should just send in the Marines and wipe the Puguwango off the face of the planet. I mean, I know it’s a dog-eat-dog world, but these savages take it too far.
When asked to comment a representative of the Puguwango said only “Hello, Lunch!” prompting our correspondent to beat feet as fast as possible.
In a related story, a housewife in New Jersey entered her livingroom only to find all of her beloved pets were actually demons.
“I should be horrified,” said Mrs. Samantha Blockbottom, “but they make such good flashlights!”